Wrapped up full of emotions, staring at my phone like seriously... Did you just say that? Is this really us? Wiping away tears before the questions come. I guess this is where we are. Caught between a rock and a soft place, not knowing which way to fall. I am very well cushioned on one side, but that hard place is calling my name. I am not supposed to feel like this... But neither are you.... It never really ends, it was never supposed to be that way... But we can't be. I owe you no explanation, but in the end you deserve one. I just need you to listen to me. But you already thought for me.. Now I am walking away like..... Did you just say that? Of course there were my own words, reciprocated back to me as they were said repeatedly as I dealt with the demon that was placed inside of me. I have been placed in some awkward positions, including that new shyt from last night, but now I am in the worst of them all...... Looking down and then looking up, my decision was made before this began..... Because I can't but you can, tho I know you really can't either. I am accepting it.. Its officially over....
Signed a broken heart.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Weak
I had one of the most unexpecting moments in my life this past weekend. You know somethings in life can really break a chick down. I really personified my mother to the T!!! Looking at my baby on that hospital bed, drugged up and immobile killed me. I must say I was scared shitless, but we both cant be looking all crazy. So I had to put my strentth to the test, and watch, listen and wait for her to wake up and see me. I could've almost used a drink paired with one of them great pills that she recieved, but I am so passed that. What good would I have been passed out while she was in pain. My weekend was filled with handing out pills, retrieving water and watching her sleep until I fell alseep. You know that motherly instinct that you get when you sleep when the baby does, yea that was me except in Fiance form.
I am so happy to say that my relief has come and another goal has been reached during our journey. Soon I will be watching her play basketball once again. But the worry is far from over.. NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING A COPS WIFE.. But hey, if I must.. I just want my weapon liscence.
I am so happy to say that my relief has come and another goal has been reached during our journey. Soon I will be watching her play basketball once again. But the worry is far from over.. NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING A COPS WIFE.. But hey, if I must.. I just want my weapon liscence.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Black HOODIE MUSIC
Someone please bring back that BLACK HOODIE MUSIC!!! The classic freestyle cyphers, the battle raps when music was real. I mean the EMINEM Cypher music. Even though he may have been the only one that actually freestyle. I give credit to my ex-boyfriend who taught me how to point out a written rhyme. Nothing wrong with writing our ya so called freestyles when they apply to the matter at hand. Don't come up and freestyle about some shyt that came from three different tracks. No I didn't physically watch the niggaisms of the BET HIP HOP AWARDS, but I did watch Facebook and Twitter as I was fully updated.
What makes a freestyle a freestyle? No its not just about witty punch lines, its about how quick you are with the lyrics. You don't leave your house already knowing you are going to get robbed? How dare you come to a freestyle cypher with a written rhyme? The disrespect of these people who can not freestyle!!! UPSETS ME AND I AM NOT EVEN AN ARTIST!!! Who do I need to talk to to bring back such a respected part of the game. When will Commercial Rap end and HIP HOP return??
What makes a freestyle a freestyle? No its not just about witty punch lines, its about how quick you are with the lyrics. You don't leave your house already knowing you are going to get robbed? How dare you come to a freestyle cypher with a written rhyme? The disrespect of these people who can not freestyle!!! UPSETS ME AND I AM NOT EVEN AN ARTIST!!! Who do I need to talk to to bring back such a respected part of the game. When will Commercial Rap end and HIP HOP return??
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Silly Parents, Kids need ADULTS
I may have come across the worst parents in history. This new generation of Mothers and Fathers really Fucking Suck!!! Not to say that our parents were the greatest, but less bull was done and more things were accomplished.
Problem 1: In the street, at no time should your kids be walking or lagging behind you. I distinctively remember my mother saying: "Keep ya ass in front to me at all times. I need to see you" What happen to those days? The other day, this mother was laking with her two friends and her daughter. The little girl was about 5 tops. Where is she? Kicking some dayum bottle while the mother is laughing and giggling 2 feet in front of her. What she does? Turns around and yells at the little girl. In those second, that little girl could have been taken or worst.
Problem 2: These parents don't care about the where abouts anymore. I had a midnight curfew all the way up until I was 21 and then it extended to 2am. NOW!!! these little bastards in the streets all kinds of hours in the night. Watching the sunrise like there is no school in the morning. Then when you hear these youngsters kidnapped and killed, the parents are sobbing and pointing blame. Sometimes you need to blame yourself for not being a more responsible parent. Then they on the side asking and praying why did this happen, oh how I can see the guilt on the faces sometimes. SO SAD
Problem 3: Nobody visits the schools anymore. Though I hated it, my father would do RANDOM ass checks in my school to see if I was there and if I was passing. I would never know until I got home and see that my mother has some kind of report on me. Though I was never a bad kid, it helped to know that one slip up and all hell could break lose. These parents just let their kids go, no matter what they doing, or how they look. Half the high school population is failing because these PARENTS don't care.
It's time that parents young and old start acting like ADULTS. Our next generation of children need REAL Role models, not the likes of scantly dressed women and hood ass men. Stop trying to birth and raise athletes and "Super stars" and start raising little lawyers and doctors. The impression of a child starts at birth, they pick up everything up until age 5. After that, you are really cutting it close.
Problem 1: In the street, at no time should your kids be walking or lagging behind you. I distinctively remember my mother saying: "Keep ya ass in front to me at all times. I need to see you" What happen to those days? The other day, this mother was laking with her two friends and her daughter. The little girl was about 5 tops. Where is she? Kicking some dayum bottle while the mother is laughing and giggling 2 feet in front of her. What she does? Turns around and yells at the little girl. In those second, that little girl could have been taken or worst.
Problem 2: These parents don't care about the where abouts anymore. I had a midnight curfew all the way up until I was 21 and then it extended to 2am. NOW!!! these little bastards in the streets all kinds of hours in the night. Watching the sunrise like there is no school in the morning. Then when you hear these youngsters kidnapped and killed, the parents are sobbing and pointing blame. Sometimes you need to blame yourself for not being a more responsible parent. Then they on the side asking and praying why did this happen, oh how I can see the guilt on the faces sometimes. SO SAD
Problem 3: Nobody visits the schools anymore. Though I hated it, my father would do RANDOM ass checks in my school to see if I was there and if I was passing. I would never know until I got home and see that my mother has some kind of report on me. Though I was never a bad kid, it helped to know that one slip up and all hell could break lose. These parents just let their kids go, no matter what they doing, or how they look. Half the high school population is failing because these PARENTS don't care.
It's time that parents young and old start acting like ADULTS. Our next generation of children need REAL Role models, not the likes of scantly dressed women and hood ass men. Stop trying to birth and raise athletes and "Super stars" and start raising little lawyers and doctors. The impression of a child starts at birth, they pick up everything up until age 5. After that, you are really cutting it close.
Life
I'M IN NEED OF A MIRACLE!!!!!!
I have to take 4 exams to test out of these last courses so I can graduate by my birthday. Problem 1: these exams are $77 each. To top that off, I need to take them before the end of the month before the price goes up to $80. Problem 2: I haven't taken these courses since like forever, and each study guide is 10 bucks. So not only do I have to pay about 310 dollars for this exam, I have to spend an extra $40 to study for them. Some body PLEASE HELP.
Next up: The CPA... which I plan to take as soon as I graduate.. Give me strength because I know of no one who didn't take that exam more than twice without passing it. I swear, I don't know about this accounting stuff.
On a Happier Note:
I am having a great time with posting pictures of my shoes. By the way, I have yet to open any boxes, deplete what is under my bed, or in my shoe bin. This might go on for some time, unless I just get tired of taking pics of all my shoes. I really don't have as many shoes as I used to, contrary to *SOME*.
I am looking forward to CONCLAVE. The competition will be great as we have*BATTLE OF THE BODIES* in the Ms. PNK pageant. All funds and proceeds will go towards the education fund. Please support the cause and help one of us ladies win the crown.
I have to take 4 exams to test out of these last courses so I can graduate by my birthday. Problem 1: these exams are $77 each. To top that off, I need to take them before the end of the month before the price goes up to $80. Problem 2: I haven't taken these courses since like forever, and each study guide is 10 bucks. So not only do I have to pay about 310 dollars for this exam, I have to spend an extra $40 to study for them. Some body PLEASE HELP.
Next up: The CPA... which I plan to take as soon as I graduate.. Give me strength because I know of no one who didn't take that exam more than twice without passing it. I swear, I don't know about this accounting stuff.
On a Happier Note:
I am having a great time with posting pictures of my shoes. By the way, I have yet to open any boxes, deplete what is under my bed, or in my shoe bin. This might go on for some time, unless I just get tired of taking pics of all my shoes. I really don't have as many shoes as I used to, contrary to *SOME*.
I am looking forward to CONCLAVE. The competition will be great as we have*BATTLE OF THE BODIES* in the Ms. PNK pageant. All funds and proceeds will go towards the education fund. Please support the cause and help one of us ladies win the crown.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
How should I know
You ever just sit and think... Last night, I was feeling some kind of way. I don't know what brought this on. After some long thought and cleaning out my bin, I came across some of the many happy notes I recieved. I read a few, and it made me smile on the inside. The many ways to be loved are amazing. Women expect the world, all kinds of trinkets to be shown some kind of affection. A Real Woman, just want to feel appreciated nothing more. Its the small things in life that makes life woth anything. These small notes are what makes being in love a thing of bliss.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I see you...
This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror and my reflection looked back at me. That's all I would expect from it. I wash and dress and put on my hoodie to walk out the door and I see you. Lil Tray, categorized, suspicious, casted out just like the rest. We have all fallen victim to this one way or the other. We walk in a store, and seem to be the only ones being followed. We walk in a restaurant and seem to always be seated by the bathroom or kitchen. Here, we can't catch a cab, unless my skirt is too short until they see my fiance and get mad that they stopped. Someone just spit on the ground next to me, but I got the ticket. I can go on and on about this.
I see you, the elephant in the room, big as day. Looking for a way out, though the exit is not big enough for him to fit. Here we are in the 21st century and we haven't moved an inch since slavery. I mean, we have lil gay white boy on survivor who openly admits his only black contact is his maid!!! Go figure. Can someone please let the elephant out the dayum door, at least let him go do his business and come back. Am I going to be racially profiled every time I leave my house. I tend to look a little mannish in my hoodie and sweats. But on a better note: the sales of skittles and Arizona have skyrocketed. But we need not support the companies in hand, we need to support the family of this fallen young man.
WHY IS THIS HALF WAY, FAKE ASS COP STILL NOT ARRESTED???? Are we all forgetting that he was advised to leave this kid alone by the cops.... This is straight up murder!! Let it would have been the other way around.. well we know the ending to this. When will someone see ME and not the color of my skin?
I see you, the elephant in the room, big as day. Looking for a way out, though the exit is not big enough for him to fit. Here we are in the 21st century and we haven't moved an inch since slavery. I mean, we have lil gay white boy on survivor who openly admits his only black contact is his maid!!! Go figure. Can someone please let the elephant out the dayum door, at least let him go do his business and come back. Am I going to be racially profiled every time I leave my house. I tend to look a little mannish in my hoodie and sweats. But on a better note: the sales of skittles and Arizona have skyrocketed. But we need not support the companies in hand, we need to support the family of this fallen young man.
WHY IS THIS HALF WAY, FAKE ASS COP STILL NOT ARRESTED???? Are we all forgetting that he was advised to leave this kid alone by the cops.... This is straight up murder!! Let it would have been the other way around.. well we know the ending to this. When will someone see ME and not the color of my skin?
What is this feeling?
What is this feeling?
You know when you automatically go into survival mode? Its a primal feeling, that need to instantaneously take care of someone. Is that the feeling that ever woman supposed to have? I will make a way out of none to ensure the happiness of the HER.
Guess what? If you missing this feeling, then I'm sorry to tell you that your love is not real. I will not down play any ones affection, but this is that unconditional, I will die without you kind of love. My instincts take over when I know she needs me. Ladies, this is what ya man, stud, whomever you want to be with is looking for.
If your hand is constantly out, looking for the next $100 to get ya hair done, nails or whatever, trust and believe you are nothing more than a just for now piece. They are most definitely looking past you and until you realize that, be content in your role.
You know when you automatically go into survival mode? Its a primal feeling, that need to instantaneously take care of someone. Is that the feeling that ever woman supposed to have? I will make a way out of none to ensure the happiness of the HER.
Guess what? If you missing this feeling, then I'm sorry to tell you that your love is not real. I will not down play any ones affection, but this is that unconditional, I will die without you kind of love. My instincts take over when I know she needs me. Ladies, this is what ya man, stud, whomever you want to be with is looking for.
If your hand is constantly out, looking for the next $100 to get ya hair done, nails or whatever, trust and believe you are nothing more than a just for now piece. They are most definitely looking past you and until you realize that, be content in your role.
Friday, March 23, 2012
50 Shades of Blue
There is this book craze called 50 Shades of Grey... It is complete S&M but there is a love story deep inside the words of the story. Everyone is looking for this perfect person that holds this amazing amount of control and the don't understand why. He achieves everything he wants and yet he is being controlled by the woman he falls in love with.
I for one am NOT looking for this perfect "Christian Grey". I have found my 50 Shades of Blue. This person comes in the form of a Woman who stopped me in my tracks. It started on the day, Sept. 25th, 2005. I walked in the room and there she was. Stuck in my tracks, I had to remember the reason I was there. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that she was who I wanted. Some time later we had a conversation where I confessed my interest in getting to know her. It was a beautiful train ride from a long day of community service. My love for this woman was there before I could admit to myself. I never came across a person that had complete control of my overall thoughts. I couldn't approach her in the ways I would others. In that moment, I knew that she was my challenge and I was meant to take her upon it.
I have become kaptivated by her Baby Blue Karisma, as we have been together for almost 5 years come April 2nd. That is 1,827 days of being with one person. I plan on thousands more as we spend the rest of our lives together.
I for one am NOT looking for this perfect "Christian Grey". I have found my 50 Shades of Blue. This person comes in the form of a Woman who stopped me in my tracks. It started on the day, Sept. 25th, 2005. I walked in the room and there she was. Stuck in my tracks, I had to remember the reason I was there. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that she was who I wanted. Some time later we had a conversation where I confessed my interest in getting to know her. It was a beautiful train ride from a long day of community service. My love for this woman was there before I could admit to myself. I never came across a person that had complete control of my overall thoughts. I couldn't approach her in the ways I would others. In that moment, I knew that she was my challenge and I was meant to take her upon it.
I have become kaptivated by her Baby Blue Karisma, as we have been together for almost 5 years come April 2nd. That is 1,827 days of being with one person. I plan on thousands more as we spend the rest of our lives together.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Do you have the money in your purse.
I know that we as women and men like to have nice things. But do you ever wonder why those with the billions wear Wranglers? Look at the example of Steve Jobs. I'm pretty sure he had lavish things we didn't know about, but when we looked at him it was that same as Black sweater or shirt and the fucking blue jeans. Never in an expensive suit, or expensive shoes, just him. So I ask, how much do we really value the money we make?
I was a victim of crazy spending, to the point where some are used to it. Being unemployed made me do a 360 degree turn. I refuse to have $2,000 shopping sprees on just panties. I even know what the world sale means now!! *bbm shock face* Females walking around with what used to be statement pieces to show off their wealth and bitches are completely broke. Louis Vuitton bags and pinching pennies, eating cup of noodle soup for lunch. Paying half of their phone bill, cable and rent just to afford the next pair of Red Bottoms that Kim K. had on. How much money are you actually holding in this $600-1,200 bag? If you can only count the metrocard and change, then its time to rethink your principles.
I am not saying that you can not treat yourself to something nice and expensive once in a while, but who are you keeping up with? Can you hold a conversation outside of fashion? Do I really need to hear that you want Gucci shorts to sleep in? I don't think so. Keep count of your dollars before you make your next purchase. Keeping up with the Jones's only makes you Broke. Leave the high life to those who are living it. Remember Kanye, Jay Z, Beyonce, Kim K. are not paying off your debt.
I was a victim of crazy spending, to the point where some are used to it. Being unemployed made me do a 360 degree turn. I refuse to have $2,000 shopping sprees on just panties. I even know what the world sale means now!! *bbm shock face* Females walking around with what used to be statement pieces to show off their wealth and bitches are completely broke. Louis Vuitton bags and pinching pennies, eating cup of noodle soup for lunch. Paying half of their phone bill, cable and rent just to afford the next pair of Red Bottoms that Kim K. had on. How much money are you actually holding in this $600-1,200 bag? If you can only count the metrocard and change, then its time to rethink your principles.
I am not saying that you can not treat yourself to something nice and expensive once in a while, but who are you keeping up with? Can you hold a conversation outside of fashion? Do I really need to hear that you want Gucci shorts to sleep in? I don't think so. Keep count of your dollars before you make your next purchase. Keeping up with the Jones's only makes you Broke. Leave the high life to those who are living it. Remember Kanye, Jay Z, Beyonce, Kim K. are not paying off your debt.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Are we still Color Blind in 2012
Here we are in 2012 and I hear of a tweet: "I will fuck a nigga before I date a dark skin chick". Really? Mind you, he is about 5'6, DARK SKIN with locs and ugly to my standards. Really I said, what fine ass CHOCOLATE SISTER will fuck with you anyway. So do I dare ask the question. Are we still color blind?
Being one of my Chocolate nature and thick as hell to boot, I often here the following phrases: "hey chocolate", "you sexy to be dark skin", "you have nice white teeth". I can go on and on for days about this. What does this say to me? Nothing because I take absolutely no offense. But here is where it gets tricky. "You are the first dark skin chick I dated", I don't usually date dark skin girls, but for you I make an exception", "oh thank you Vicky, because now I only like dark skin girls".. Whaaaaaaaaaa... Fuck off. The world only seems to be intrigued with LIGHT SKIN BITCHES WITH LONG HAIR!!!!!! I have heard this preference for forever and a day. So what do we as Chocolate girls do, we go from natural to permed hair, long weaves and bright lips just to get noticed. I refuse.. I FUCKING REFUSE. THAT IS NOT THE EPITOME OF SEXY.
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING DOWN GRADED BECAUSE THE BITCH NEXT TO ME IS LIGHT SKIN. HER COMPLEXTION DOES NOT MAKE HER PRETTY. But please if you are looking for some token bitch, by all means bypass me and chose her. I am not a token, trophy or anything of that matter. I am a WOMAN, and all that it entails. Nor will I be a second choice. So many men and women are walking around with TOKENS and coming to bed with Chocolate.
Lets talk double standard. Black men dating white or other race women, and when a Black woman goes outside of the race its totally wrong. And the first thing out the mouth of a man, Black women have to much attitude!! Lets be clear, BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE. We will not keep putting up with your shit, so you go find those who you can control. A Black woman's complaint about Black men dating outside the race: we are not the TOKEN females they want.
I will not apologize for my attitude, the extra sashay in my walk or the slang in my talk. If you can't handle it, then its a sign that I DON'T need you. A message to those, KEEP LOOKING FOR THEM TOKEN FEMALES, because at the end of the day, We are without Question African American. You have to check the same box on that application as I do, no matter what your complextion is.
Being one of my Chocolate nature and thick as hell to boot, I often here the following phrases: "hey chocolate", "you sexy to be dark skin", "you have nice white teeth". I can go on and on for days about this. What does this say to me? Nothing because I take absolutely no offense. But here is where it gets tricky. "You are the first dark skin chick I dated", I don't usually date dark skin girls, but for you I make an exception", "oh thank you Vicky, because now I only like dark skin girls".. Whaaaaaaaaaa... Fuck off. The world only seems to be intrigued with LIGHT SKIN BITCHES WITH LONG HAIR!!!!!! I have heard this preference for forever and a day. So what do we as Chocolate girls do, we go from natural to permed hair, long weaves and bright lips just to get noticed. I refuse.. I FUCKING REFUSE. THAT IS NOT THE EPITOME OF SEXY.
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING DOWN GRADED BECAUSE THE BITCH NEXT TO ME IS LIGHT SKIN. HER COMPLEXTION DOES NOT MAKE HER PRETTY. But please if you are looking for some token bitch, by all means bypass me and chose her. I am not a token, trophy or anything of that matter. I am a WOMAN, and all that it entails. Nor will I be a second choice. So many men and women are walking around with TOKENS and coming to bed with Chocolate.
Lets talk double standard. Black men dating white or other race women, and when a Black woman goes outside of the race its totally wrong. And the first thing out the mouth of a man, Black women have to much attitude!! Lets be clear, BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT SUBMISSIVE. We will not keep putting up with your shit, so you go find those who you can control. A Black woman's complaint about Black men dating outside the race: we are not the TOKEN females they want.
I will not apologize for my attitude, the extra sashay in my walk or the slang in my talk. If you can't handle it, then its a sign that I DON'T need you. A message to those, KEEP LOOKING FOR THEM TOKEN FEMALES, because at the end of the day, We are without Question African American. You have to check the same box on that application as I do, no matter what your complextion is.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Company INK
Everyone has tried to write with the company's ink. Some have even dipped into it. But what does it really cause. You gain the headaches of those who still see the ink on their pages, even after it has faded. You get looks after everyone has found out you shared the same pen. So why bother, BRING YOUR OWN PENS TO WORK.
I brought my own pen, borrowed a few and gave them back. I don't like to write the same way every day. My pen is full of ambition, colorful and above all, its All MINE. Imagine trying to borrow some one's straw and say here, I'm going to give it back when I'm done".. EWWWWW
Remember, "at the end of the day" *inside joke* we have to show up everyday and look at that ink on the post-it. Pick your Company's Pen wisely and keep the same one. And when it RUNS out of ink, discard carefully, because they ban be refilled!!
LMFBAO
I brought my own pen, borrowed a few and gave them back. I don't like to write the same way every day. My pen is full of ambition, colorful and above all, its All MINE. Imagine trying to borrow some one's straw and say here, I'm going to give it back when I'm done".. EWWWWW
Remember, "at the end of the day" *inside joke* we have to show up everyday and look at that ink on the post-it. Pick your Company's Pen wisely and keep the same one. And when it RUNS out of ink, discard carefully, because they ban be refilled!!
LMFBAO
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Its 2012
Its only day eleven in 2012 and already I feel as if life is changing. I'm looking forward to all of my travels, seeing my family and PHamily and looking forward to a greater year with the love of my life. Before the year ended, I decided to go natural. Day 4 of 2012 I chopped the remaining perm out of my head. I am in love with my Angela Davis baby fro look. Soon It will be the size of Angie and with my black fist pick, I will shout: "YEAH BITCHES THIS MY HAIR"
I hate females who walking around claiming their natural with an Afro wig on. Then going to have the nerve to pass out hair information and updates. I am putting forth the effort to grow out my type 4A hair!! If you find that you have a problem with natural women, then go suck a dick. Cuz I can officially claim I am all natural, from head to toe. Down to my nails which I am growing out, may need to be cut though.
What are your plans for 2012? My next goal is to finally buckle down and get my drivers license. I really don't want to drive, but the Studzband is making it a must. I just want to be in the car with matching heels. Nothing more, nothing less. As we are making our way through this year, don't make any fucking resolutions you are not going to stick to, but set monthly goals and achieve them.
I hate females who walking around claiming their natural with an Afro wig on. Then going to have the nerve to pass out hair information and updates. I am putting forth the effort to grow out my type 4A hair!! If you find that you have a problem with natural women, then go suck a dick. Cuz I can officially claim I am all natural, from head to toe. Down to my nails which I am growing out, may need to be cut though.
What are your plans for 2012? My next goal is to finally buckle down and get my drivers license. I really don't want to drive, but the Studzband is making it a must. I just want to be in the car with matching heels. Nothing more, nothing less. As we are making our way through this year, don't make any fucking resolutions you are not going to stick to, but set monthly goals and achieve them.
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