Today 1000 years ago

In my journey of happiness, I have come across many things that makes me smile. But nothing like today. We were only together 1 year and 8 months, but it felt like an eternity. We made a world full of memories within this time. The conversation that seemed endless, to the silent moments of bliss. Now here we are 3 years later in the same spot.. Being this happy, on windorphins all the time.

In my world, she puts up with my mood swings, my sometimes emotionless thoughts and my empty feelings. But in return she know that I will shower her with tears of joy. I may even be reffered to as a "Bitch" but she probably will never say that to me, even when I most deserve it. I live with not seeing her for days at a time, the sole conversations before she sleeps, and all the days when something is wrong, but she would rather not say.

Relationships go through their ups and downs, but ours always come full circle. Every day of every year from this day forward always ends like this:

SKIT: SO i'm you wanna play hangman???
YOU: ummm...i guess
ME: ok, so... go...
YOU: H
ME: *OH damn here we go....* DRAWS CIRCLE
... YOU: S
ME: *you gotta be kidding me...look it is not enuff
YOU: R
BLAH BLAH>..
YOU: Does that say.......

I would say yes to anything this woMan says to me, but this one and the one that will follow will always mean the most...

Happy engagement anniversary!!

 

Holiday Crash

You ever realize that Christmas is the worst fucking holiday of the year? Your wallet is empty and you never get what the fuck you really want for Christmas. Just blah the dayum shyt. Can we just by pass this day as if it never freaking happened. Out within the hoards of people, nothing you want is in the store. They lure you in with sales to realize the shyt you really want is never on sale!! Ugg this fucking holiday. Have you ever looked up the roots of Kwanzaa? Just another crock of shyt they came up for us to so call celebrate. The only African heritage to it is the name its self. What a fucking crock of shyt. I am just waiting for this holiday to pass, replenish my pockets for them to be broke again!! That is all...

Dedication

I looked, I learned, and sometimes I listen. I wake, I sleep and sometimes I fell something is missing. I reach, I feel and then remember you are missing. I lived a long 28 years, 7 of them were horrible. 3 of them were just shyt. But these last 4 years have been nothing but complete bliss. I dedicate my happiness, my heart, mind, body, SouL and spirit to you. I have been a SurvivoR of your love and continue to carry it with me. On my sleeve for everyone to see. In my thoughts, in my heart, in the depths of me. Walking, talking, breathing has been made easier and I thank you most for it.

Love is a wonderful feeling. Not everyone can experience what I have, and not everyone will. But this love can exist for whomever is looking to find it. Don't look to hard, but don't hide in the shadows either. I don't just love being in love. I love the feeling of BEING LOVED in return. My thoughts, opinion, my life finally matters to someone other than me. THEN!!! to find someone who will cherish it, makes living, laughing and loving all the better. To explain my love for her, I will need to have my heart removed, my thoughts intercepted because there are no words. She is my air, my every movement, with each blink something will remind me of her. Some say it is crazy to love someone this much. But I say you are crazy if you can't. My best friend, my angel, LogiK.. Sometimes I wonder if I can love her more than I already do. Then she answers me with small gestures.

A lot of women are missing out on their true happiness because they settled for Fool's Gold. I'm not going to rub it in, but.... If your mate is not showing up after work to listen after you had a long day, then you are missing it. If you are not receiving just because I though of you chocolate, then you are missing it. No matter how stressful their day is, if your mate is not smiling when they see you, you are definitely missing it. I am encouraging you to go and find everything you are missing in life. Because I can assure you, I have found MINE.

They will never understand

This is nothing but a rant against all of those who think females like Kim K, and Beyonce are what it means to be curvy. First of all, women with curves have long been around since the beginning of time. This shyt was not invented just last year. Who said that we where made popular, like some kind of fucking fashion statement. I have nothing against these ladies but umm NOOOO!! You are really not curvacious at all. You may have shape for your size, But they dayum sure have a team of people working on them to get that way. If you feel offended, then too fucking bad! I know plenty of females with shapes who never get the play they deserve. If you think the likes of these women are curvy, then what is Raven Simone, fat? Cuz I be damn if my size 38- 31- 43 is what I consider fat. I am all curves, all day. Everyone surrounding me is curves all day. So here is to us!!! At the end of the day, my curves are what keep ya men, and women looking at me. POINT BLANK!!!

Now that that's out of the way. You know why we as black women are never considered in the curvy section? It is because we are the one's filling out applications for ass magazines. Yes they make money, and I am not knocking it. But, when it comes to us, our curves are only recognize in videos. I'm not trying to be no one's video vixen, or on the cover of XXL as the next up and coming. Though I have been approached on many occasions. Its tacky as hell, and to think my family are full of men who read those smut mags in the first place. Everyone wanted to be Miss Toi from the I like the way you move video, but in actuality, women with curves never have to try so hard.

So here I am, 5'7, CHOCOLATE and CURVY.. NO I WILL NOT BLEACH MY SKIN TO FIT IN YOUR "VISION". I WILL NOT BECOME A SIZE SIX AND CALL MYSELF STACKED!! I AM A FUCKING STALLION, AND THAT'S THE IT SHOULD BE

Sneaky

You ever realize how sneaky females are? The thought just came to me today out of nowhere. As random as it was, I thought about it for a few seconds. Sneaky females come in all shapes and sizes. It starts from birth. We grew up being daddy's little girls. Why? Because we melt their hearts always. With our mothers, we couldn't because we share the same anatomy. Born with the gift to get any man to do what we want. So it always works. In our youth, we prefect it, cry to our male figures and show attitude to the female ones. By teenagers, we are cussing out our mothers. Dating everyone we know they will hate, just to prove that we could. Talk our fathers out of their pockets. When the relationship goes sour, we run to daddy to get the ex-boyfriend killed.

We get older and realize we are no longer in competition with our mother. She was trying to show us the ropes the whole time, but we needed our own space to grow so we never listen. Lets take this another way. You ever watch your friends and the other females around you and say: you a sneaky bitch? You trust your mate so you introduce them to your friends to only catch that bitch giving him/her the side eye. But you don't act a fool, you watch because you think its funny, and you want to know if your mate caught on. Guess what? They did, but its up to them to bring it up to you. If so, you have a good one. If not, watch their ass because they are fucking sneaky too.

Women have this think called women's intuition. We don't always use it, but it is there. Something ever just hit you out of the blue and you think hmmm, let me check this shit out? Always listen and watch for the signs because they are there. Just remember whether you are dating a man or a woman, Females are fucking Sneaky. If you are a lesbian, you know women can get away with cheating easily than a man. We are harder to catch, so pay attention more!! Make sure your partner knows you are crazy upfront, this way there will be no surprise when you out to kill. #imjustsaying

A new day

Everyone needs a new beginning. I am starting mine. Well I started it like 4 days ago. Sometimes we get into a place where things just stop. We become systematic with our movements even down to the way we eat. Every morning my alarm goes off at 6:15, I get out the bed at 7:30 and leave the house by 8:05. When life becomes routine it can tend to be very boring. What are you to do? How do you shake things up while still getting things done?

First step, my hair. No more perms, just curls, natural naps and flowers. I’m sick of perming my hair, going to get it washed, and then 2 days later I am flat ironing it. Sick of jeans and sneakers. Wearing pink and orange and making that shyt work. Tired of all the neutrals and the red with blues. My only constant is PURPLE.

Second step, I need new scenery. So now I am off to Atlanta to see how it goes down there. I feel like I need to try new foods, new people, just new everything. The same conversations, the same people, the same problems everyday really are stressful. Today I want to be stress free. Freedom is what we fight for everyday, yet I am trapped in this world, in my house, at my job until change comes. Since I have to work, and live, I must find freedom in other ways.

Third step, I have one constant that will remain the same. That is YOU. With my one constant must come changes as well. So I need new shoes, a new outfit and a new persona to make sure even my constant has changes within. With a new beginning, comes a better ending. Frankly that’s what everyone is looking for.

Happiness is Key to a Lovely Life. Make the most of it!!!

Sex 101

Would you really opt out of sex ed class for you children? Why parents feel like they have a choice in the matter? At the end of the day, your kid is out there sucking dick and guess what, it is not your choice. Why not arm them with the armor they need to protect themselves. At least giving them the harsh reality may derail them some from making their own choices. I didn't have sex ed until I reached college. Shyt by then, all my friends had babies, giving their own classes on how to fuck. These things should always be available. So to say they are going to far teaching about anal? Do they realize these little girls are having anal just so they can prove to their mothers that they are still virgins vaginally? How naive the Parents are for thinking this. Now if they only gave the truth about what drugs do to you at the tender age of 5, we might not have a world full of crack heads.