This shyt here

Wrapped up full of emotions, staring at my phone like seriously... Did you just say that? Is this really us? Wiping away tears before the questions come. I guess this is where we are. Caught between a rock and a soft place, not knowing which way to fall. I am very well cushioned on one side, but that hard place is calling my name. I am not supposed to feel like this... But neither are you.... It never really ends, it was never supposed to be that way... But we can't be. I owe you no explanation, but in the end you deserve one. I just need you to listen to me. But you already thought for me.. Now I am walking away like..... Did you just say that? Of course there were my own words, reciprocated back to me as they were said repeatedly as I dealt with the demon that was placed inside of me. I have been placed in some awkward positions, including that new shyt from last night, but now I am in the worst of them all...... Looking down and then looking up, my decision was made before this began..... Because I can't but you can, tho I know you really can't either. I am accepting it.. Its officially over....


Signed a broken heart.

Weak

I had one of the most unexpecting moments in my life this past weekend. You know somethings in life can really break a chick down. I really personified my mother to the T!!! Looking at my baby on that hospital bed, drugged up and immobile killed me. I must say I was scared shitless, but we both cant be looking all crazy. So I had to put my strentth to the test, and watch, listen and wait for her to wake up and see me. I could've almost used a drink paired with one of them great pills that she recieved, but I am so passed that. What good would I have been passed out while she was in pain. My weekend was filled with handing out pills, retrieving water and watching her sleep until I fell alseep. You know that motherly instinct that you get when you sleep when the baby does, yea that was me except in Fiance form.

I am so happy to say that my relief has come and another goal has been reached during our journey. Soon I will be watching her play basketball once again. But the worry is far from over.. NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING A COPS WIFE.. But hey, if I must.. I just want my weapon liscence.